The Day YOU Said Goodbye

“I’ll be leaving for Singapore soon!”

Who would’ve thought that my life would turn around 180 degrees by just hearing that one simple sentence.

I know Singapore is just hours away from home, but hey, it’s my SIS that’s leaving and not just some random stranger that I came across with. And add it to the fact that she told me the news just days before her scheduled flight!

Although I’ve been anticipating for that moment but still, it did came as a surprise, a very big one as a matter of fact. Probably because I wasn’t expecting for her dreams to catch up with her reality that soon.

I know subconsciously she was entertaining the idea of going overseas, it’s just that she was putting it off her mind for quite some time and didn’t figure it out until this year.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for my super-friend! Someone once said, “A real friend rejoices at her friends’ success/accomplishments”. That’s why when I realized that finally in some bizarre circumstance my dearest friend’s prayers was finally answered I went all “Oh my! Sis will have one exciting head start this year!”.

With the kind of friendship we have, I believe it’s reasonable for me to get all down in the dumps for a while. What I have with my sis is one extraordinary kind of friendship. Yes, we may do things like what any other girl friends do and we argue about stuff that any other friends argue about. But more than that we just don’t treat each other as close friends, we treat each other like real sisters.

She’s one of the few that I would talk to over the phone for hours, the one that I instantly think of when I want to share some news (may it be good, bad, or just nonsense), the one I can right away call when I want to go somewhere, the one I know who would fairly judge me when I know I did something stupid.

This temporary geographical distance might inconvenience our friendship in some ways, but I will never allow this to sever the bond we have! Besides, what we’ve got isn’t measured by the distance between us nor the frequency of time spent together.

I know that the day she said goodbye, she’ll be coming back home someday…

 …and with me holding on to that truth, makes everything less heartbreaking. 

xoxo, mae =)

Of Lost Love and Friendship

Some people say that when two friends get too close, they may end up falling in love with each other, or in a more dramatic situation, one may end up falling for the other.

The latter situation though, hits closer to home!

I always wonder if I have this large mark on my forehead that says, "Girl Friend Material" (take note, it's not the one word 'girlfriend'). In fact, one of my girl friends told me that maybe I was made to be just the guy's friend and not the girlfriend. And it made me stop and think that, yeah, I guess I am!

It's not that I'm making it a habit to fall for every guy friend I have, I just happen to have a weakness on guys who would give me "the attention" (whether it's being too sweet or being too annoying, in a good way that is).

This I-fell-for-a-friend-who-doesn't-feel-thesame started way, way back!

At a very young age of 9, I happen to like this classmate-slash-friend of mine. My first crush 'Isko', the object of my baby love! Sad to say though, he likes one of my girl friends back then. It's one big major suck-up for one innocent heart! I guess my invisibility mode was turned on even before!

Then came my puppy love, my childhood friend. When I was in grade 5, I happen to develop a huge crush on 'Ken' who lives across our home. That crush went on for five long years! My young heart kept that affection even when my family decided to move into another place. But eventually every treasured feeling shattered when I found out that he was already my bestfriend's boyfriend... Sounds like a title of a Hollywood movie right?!

Of course, it comes in threes as what people say...

My recent friend-falling stunt was my college guy friend. He was my 'little bro' up until that moment when I started feeling giddy and excited everytime we're together. The time spent together in school and on the way home led me into falling for him in the end... and then 'we' ended. The friendship was irrevocably stained.

Sadly, they all ended up quite differently from what I have in mind. All of it may have left me with a broken heart but still, I'm happy... because I know that when I decide to fall in love, I LOVE REAL!

And after going through all of these I came to know  more of earned friendships now ruined and lost... of desired love shattered and unreturned.

But hey, I believe that life, like some of the movies, don't always end up with "... and they live happily ever after",  not even when the words "The end" appear, as long as the final credits don't stop rolling, the film goes on... and so does life!

xoxo, 

mae =)

Waiting for the love that may never come

I was debating with myself a while ago on whether I should write about this sudden thoughts I have or not... I was half way on deciding not to when I decided to scroll on @ispeakfemale's tweet trying to look for quotes to update my facebook status (which I change like tons of times) and I came across this one specific tweet, "It's not that I don't believe in love. I'm a very strong believer in it actually...I just think that it doesn't believe in me."

And upon reading those words, a decision was made, better put my recent thoughts into writing!

You see, I'm 24 years old, I know some people might say I'm still young and that eventually I would find that one guy whom I would exchange "I love yous" and all those sweet nothings uttered by couples who are head over heals in love with each other.

Yet deep down I have this fearful belief that maybe, love in its romantic sense, is not just for me.

Growing up, I always think how it feels to be in a real romantic relationship. It's not that I've never been with the opposite sex, as far as I can recall, I know I had spent enough time with them... in fact it's more than enough time because I always end up having my heart broken!

Except for that one "unofficial relationship" (if it's even called a relationship since he never made it clear to me on whether what we had was love or I was just assuming we had a thing going on) or that 7-days 'so-called boyfriend' I had (which I no longer considered a relationship after thinking how abrupt the thing between us ended) then I guess it's safe to say that I consider myself as a NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) certified.

I can't seem to come up with any logical explanation on why I can't seem to meet a guy who would get into a serious relationship with me and not just give me short-term spine-chilling, heart-thugging moments.

Really! What is wrong with me?! I seem to repel guys because everytime I try to invest emotions towards them, it would either end up unappreciated and unrequited or it would simply end without clear explanation or whatsoever.

The more I try to make sense out of everything, it only gets more senseless!

Maybe some would say my expectations are set on a very high bar or my mind is too caught up with all those fairytalish romance, maybe they're right, maybe they're not.

But I'm not looking for the knight-in-shining-armor kind of guy, nor a "hollywoodish" man, nor Mr. Perfect, nor Richie Rich. As a matter of fact I'm not looking, I'm just waiting for the arrival of that God-given guy. Patiently waiting that is!

Waiting... and waiting... and waiting...

Get the idea now? I feel like I've been waiting for so long, too long! That's why I can't help but think that maybe, I am waiting for that one great love that may never come, that may never happen.

Thinking about it not only makes me sad, but worse, it makes me feel unwanted. Maybe it's too early for me to give up on love. It's too soon to lose my faith in it. Who knows?

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right...

xoxo,

Mae

PS this was previously posted on my deleted WOrdpress blog... ^^